Don’t come too close
I’m hiding for a reason
Trying to protect my secret
Though its evolving to be treason
I’m trying to help you
Stop putting you through pain
You see I have fallen so fast
It seems my will power couldn’t refrain
From the temptation of familiarity
Of safety, stability and calm
And I am utterly clueless why;
After all these years of fighting the hard battle
I’m so caught under the charm
Under the luring whispers
And convincing discussions
Tripping, more like falling with open arms
Never remembering the full repercussions.
You see I was doing so well
I was so utterly sound in the belief
That anorexia was part of my past
That the voice would finally give me some relief.
The reality is so far off
It seems I’m not only caught under its cobweb of thought
But the web continues to thicken, to strengthen by the day
And I’m fighting, my god I fight to be free
But it exhausts me
And the web only gains in velocity.
Rose tinted glasses led me back here
And now I’m sat in the true darkness of the beast
The more I fight to be free
The louder the sniggering rings
The noise of anorexia
Laughing, mocking, belittling
As it knows, it has me completely in its grips.
I thought I was okay, I thought I was in control
I couldn’t tell you when I tumbled off the cliff edge,
Or when the aim became reality and the target shifted even further away
Tickling my finger tips, just out of reach
But I do know this, that this course of torment I never knowingly did enrol
The harsh critique of anorexia is stronger than ever
I’m a control freak out of control.
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