Rules and restrictions
Demands and orders
An array of contradictions
I can’t understand how you have so much power
How you still hold such control
You’d think after all these years fighting you
You’d know when to let it go.
You told me you would help me
You would ease my anxieties and pain
You would, in some way, make me feel braver, more confident and calmer
That all the mess in my head you would help contain.
You told me that if I did as you asked
It would keep everything peaceful
I thought you meant my life
But you were, as always, deceitful.
You meant you, with your boisterous mannerism.
You meant you, in all the ways you are so selfish and arrogant
You meant you, with your unrelenting drive for perfectionism.
You lured me when I was scared, weak and alone,
You pretended that you cared, that you actually gave a damn
You lured me into the delusion that you wanted to help,
you induced this confusion, this cobweb of lies, orders, deals and routines
Of rules, rituals, but also how you punish and criticise.
You reduced my world to this bubble that you made me believe was protecting me
But the bubble, it started to suffocate me
There were no air gaps, no breeze to feel. And I was choking in this bubble
For a few moments, it all seemed surreal.
How can something that was so kind and helpful
Now be the cause of my pain, so harmful?
You’ve constructed these walls around me so tight
There is no room for air, and no space for light.
I once thought that I had the ultimate control
But now that’s a far away dream, for you’ve stolen my soul.
I ache to be free but it’s fighting a blind war.
You’ve covered my eyes, tied my hands behind my back and strapped my legs to the ground.
The shackles around me grow tighter by the day
The more I fight free, and try to breakaway
The louder you become, the more my strength begins to decay.
I could write a billion poems
Draw til the pencils ran blunt
I could sing, dance, act,
I could cry, shout, scream
I could try to break free from your pact.
But nothing here’s the bottom line when it comes to your games, your abuse and bullying.
You have nothing to lose, and I have it all
You will do everything in your power to hold onto me
And I don’t have the strength to keep up the fight
Because I have everything to lose, my life and more
But you just will not give up, not til you strip my down, of my happiness, my confidence, my family and friends, of absolutely anything more.
