your voice, starts quiet, a convincing nudge
To just skip this, scrape that, make this weight on me start to budge.
You told me don’t worry, the hunger will pass
And I will allow you to eat
When you’ve lost a little more, when you fit a smaller size, it’ll be worth it for that missed treat.
It all sounds so reasonable, in that moment
A small deal means you give me some quiet, and I just have to do one small thing,
You told me that you would help me feel better
And the pain, discomfort and misery you were causing would be worth it
When I finally hit that goal weight, when I felt small enough, in this world I would somehow fit.
You told me when I was okay, when I had achieved all the goals
You would let me be free
You told me that you were just here to help me
That I am in control, and you are simply here to aid and guide me.
Every time I fall again
You promise me I can start again tomorrow
You see me watching others with envy,
How they can ‘just eat’ without feeling such guilt, such sorrow.
You tell me ‘just one last time’ to try to ease the blow
The truth, the harsh facts that you have never had any intention of letting me go.
Haven’t we been here before?
7 years of your torment, rules and false promises
Everytime you take another day, you prove your brutal dominance
I lose the resilience to fight you again
I get caught up in the belief
That the pain you’re causing will only be temporary
And that tomorrow you’ll allow me to live again, you will give me some relief.
But you’ve pushed me to the point where
You’ve taken all the air from my lungs
Withered any lasting hope that you will release me from your grip
Because tomorrow never comes.
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