I can hear them
Scuffling around outside
Getting more people
Getting the beanbag
They’re murmuring amongst themselves
Working a plan of action
How will we do this
With minimal reaction.
Suddenly there’s 8 people in my room
They’re trying to be nice
Words of poison fall from their lips
Lies of how they’re trying to help
‘Trust us’ they say, their only advice.
I’m pinned down
I’m kicking and screaming
I don’t want to hurt them
I don’t want to upset them
But my heart is heaving
And my head is so angry
Lengthy abuse rings my head
‘They’re making you fat fat FAT
They’re lying, deceiving
They don’t understand
They have got it all wrong
You don’t NEED anything
I thought you were strong’
Tubes shoved up my nose
I feel like I can’t breathe
I’m crying, sobbing my heart out
Pleading, begging.
I feel the thick fortisip
Pushed through the syringe
I hate myself even more
My mind is unhinged
Breathe they tell me
Try to keep calm
We don’t want more people
We don’t want to cause harm
We’ll get this over with
You can get on with your day
Forget it ever happened
You’re going to be okay’
But I feel the fat pouring in
Inflating my limbs
My legs triple in size
My stomach brims
I can feel myself expanding
Growing by the second
When will they realise they’ve got it so wrong
I don’t need any of this
I’m fine, I’m okay, I WAS strong.
My throat is burning
My nose aches
My head is throbbing
My mind begins to race.
My body is tired from fighting
I resign to my corner
Shaking and crying
Feeling but numb
My strength is dying.
They ask if I’m okay
They tell me I’ll get there
When I’m better I’ll see
I just needed a little more care.
I bury my face in shame
This isn’t how it was supposed to be
I thought I was in control
But it is in control of me.
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