Two sides of my brain

 I go from

Hating my body and the feeling of food

Wanting to be empty and clean and cleansed 

To feeling so I’ll and tired and cold

And craving recovery and all that it holds. 

In a war where two sides of my brain

Want the complete opposite and I try to contain

The shouting and whispering of each strong side

In hope that one day they will calm and subside. 

It’s exhausting being caught in the to and the fro

I want more than anything to be free to let go. 

I know it’s not simple, living with this illness 

Beyond that thiugh, it’s confusing for me, let alone onlookers. 

Sat here in hospital, ng up my nose

Desperately lonely, sad and confined 

I want nothing more than my life back and fun

I’m tired of injections and feeds and blood tests

I’m so tired of anorexia

So why can’t it rest?