The sun, fresh air, being alive - poem

I smiled today

And not half heartily

It reached my eyes 

And I felt happy. 

I laugh a little longer now

I feel it in my belly

A laugh I didn’t know existed 

Or maybe it had been so long  

Since I felt joy and peace

It shocked me a little 

But for once, I felt strong. 

I felt like me, and I don’t know who that is

But I think I’m ready to find out

To make up for what I’ve missed. 

For years and years I’ve been held hostage

By this curse of an illness

For the things it promised

But no high of starvation 

Or rush from exercise 

Or feeling of control 

Could help disguise 

The brutality of the beast 

The indignity of it all

The harrowing abuse it put me through

How it set me up to watch me fall. 

Well not anymore

I’m breaking free

Not another second of punishment

THIS is how it’s meant to be. 

I feel the sun on my skin

The warmth that runs through me

The fresh air on my face 

I take a deep breath

This is the light at the end of the tunnel

Beginning to glow stronger 

This is the ‘it’ll get better’ 

When I’m wishing the days were longer

And I have more time to live 

Because living doesn’t hurt 

And I’m not scared 

To lean on the support

Should you raise your ugly head 

I will not conform. 

Memories to cherish

Conversations that thrive 

For the first time in along time

I’m thankful I’m alive.