Perfectionism - poem

What if my best

Isn’t good enough. 

I try and try and try 

I push myself beyond breaking point

Trying to please, be enough 

Not let people down, pretend their comments don’t sting

Not be over sensitive, pretend I don’t care

But it’s too much to bare. 

And I feel a chronic wrench of guilt

Shame and embarrassment

For all the things I do and don’t do

But most difficultly

For my existence 

For the very fact I wake up each day

And breathe, live

I’m a burden, a problem 

A pain that persists. 

I wish I was invisible 

I wish I looked as small as I feel

I wish the ground would swallow me whole

I wish I could find a way to conceal

The flaws I carry daily

The self doubt, self hatred. 

I wish I could be someone, anyone else 

I wish my life wasn’t dictated 

By how much I resent myself 

The repulsion I feel when I look

In the mirror, at my reflection

By my faults and failings 

My unrelenting strive for perfection

That leaves me feeling inadequate 

Worthless 

Hopeless 

Nothing. 

Self-hating.