I. Don’t. Fit. - poem

Who am I? 

What do I see? 

What do I like? 

What do I want to be? 

I don’t know

I just don’t know

I want to be free 

But this monster of ED 

Has stolen my identity 

My past feels like baggage

My future I fear 

My present feels hazy 

I just don’t want to be here. 

I feel so uncomfortable 

In this body,

In this life

Like I don’t fit right. 

I don’t know who I am 

Or what I’m supposed to be 

I am failing at fitting

The mould that was meant for me. 

I don’t understand everyday life

I feel disassociated from reality 

Like it’s just a concept 

A continuation of roles to play

Acts to show

All through the day. 

I tried to shrink my world

My body and my mind

I tried to make it all so small 

That morning would get inside 

I shrunk in my clothes 

The size of my thighs 

The width of my arms 

And in the process of doing so

I shrunk my priorities 

My ambitions in life 

Slowly bit by bit 

I made it all so tiny and seemingly manageable 

But I didn’t fit.