Goodbye and Thankyou - poem

goodbyes are something I really struggle with, but something I’m learning to cope with better. Recently, my psycholgist left who has been my rock through the last 18 months of this admission. This was my way of saying Thankyou to her, and helping me say goodbye to someone who has transformed my life.

Waist deep in quick sand

I was falling again

Terrified because I didn’t want to be trapped 

I didn’t want to be in pain 

I knew I had to fight through

Untangle myself from its clutches 

Give myself the chance to live

Learn to weather the storm

Be brave and be strong

Go against the ‘norm’. 

It all felt so black and hopeless

But through, there shone a light

A hand reaches out to help me

And there’s a chance to unite

Someone’s here to help me

I knew I was not alone

That’s all I really needed 

When everything felt so unknown. 

Scary at first,

I feared it was wrong

My mind kept rushing back 

To what it’s known all along. 

But one step forward 

Followed by two back

Is progress none the less

It was change from the cycles 

And even if there was more distress 

I learnt how to feel it

To sit with it more

With the support and encouragement

I knew I wasn’t alone in this war. 

The bad times came 

And sometimes they seemed overwhelming

But we regrouped, we kept working

Found knew ways of helping

Difficult times is an understatement

We worked through a lot

Faced the demons that were trapping me

And keeping me stuck 

The memories that scared me

The beliefs I couldn’t shift

The dangerous situations 

That seemed to persist. 

We shone light on the eating disorder

We exposed it for its true self

That maybe it once tried to help

And it kept me in a bubble, gave me control

Numbed the pain, helped me console

The fear that run through me

The self hatred I felt 

It hid my broken soul. 

But it didn’t, it caused more pain

It didn’t keep me safe

It didn’t help contain

The thoughts and feelings 

I’d fought to block out

And I finally felt safe enough

To start to doubt

The rational it provided

The evidence it gave

And with a lot of hard work

The wall it built started to cave. 

It took a leap of faith 

But it saved my life 

I knew I wasn’t alone this time

And week in week out 

I slowly began to realise 

I could talk, I could feel

It was okay to not be okay 

I allowed myself to heal. 

hope and dedication

And a lot of hard work

Meant the good days started out numbering the bad

And I could start to see

That the world I was so scared of 

Wasn’t all i feared it to be. 

Not everyone was bad

They didn’t want to hurt me

They just wanted to help

They wanted to help me be free 

The darkness that surrounded me

It began to lift

And although some days it hangs heavier again

I know I can persist. 

A silver lining to everything that’s happened

Is I know I am strong enough to keep going

But what I’ve learnt is that 

I don’t have to do it alone. 

It’s okay to be vunerable

It’s okay to ask for help

It’s okay to not be perfect 

To not feel okay

It doesn’t mean I’m broken 

Or hope has faded away

It means I’ve been brave 

And I’ll actually get the help I need

All The work we have done

All 18 months long

The crying, laughter, distress and success 

It’s been worth it all. 

Ive gained so much knowledge

Insight, wisdom and understanding 

But i couldn’t have done it alone

You’ve be truly outstanding. 

Thankyou for sticking by me, 

Through the highs and the lows

I’m confident I can keep fighting this 

No matter what life throws.