Scales
A little machine
Covered in glass
Make me scream in pain
as I stand on them.
I hover at first
Just a toe at a time
Convincing myself of the worst.
The number flashes up
My world caved in
The lump in my throat swells
I can’t breathe
I feel sick and disgusted
Out of control and bad
My mind gets more destructive.
I stand on those scales and
My worth is quantified
Again
Twice in 3 days
Who I am, what I deserve
My failures and flaws
Magnified because of the number.
If I can’t even control my body
Or my weight
What I eat and drink
How can I possibly be able to do anything?
Incompetent, a waste of space, useless.
I was to shrink down
To completely disappear
My body is now my enemy
It doesn’t match my mind
I’m becoming desperate once again
And I feel resigned
To the idea of a life free from this
A future without ED
Trapped, locked in, hopeless.
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