Why is everything
So deafeningly loud
Every voice raised
Every light blazed
Every smell permeating through
Every inch of my body
I try to keep breathing
I close my eyes and beg for a quieter tomorrow
The noisiness isn’t just external
It rages with the internal mess
The voices and cackles of anorexia
And the autism, and worries and panics and need for understanding and constancy. When the internal world and external world collide
The panic, the white wash of troubled waters feels like
A crushing pressure on my chest
In my throat
Buzzing in my head
So much more than unrest
So much more than anxiety
The most intense distress.
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