Trying to marry two half’s of my mind
One half is angry and the other is tired
One half screams loudly and shouts and is strong
The other urges and pleads me to stop.
One half is vindictive, brutal and harsh
It twists things and blurs things and makes me feel lost
The other side is weaker, though I know it’s words are truer
The other side begs me, please fiona, anorexia is trying to kill you.
Anorexia tells me I’m better now
That this nutrition I don’t need
Anorexia tells me to push people away
To resent them
Lose myself further in the abyss.
The quiet rational side of me begs me to hear
The doctors that tell me my bloods still hold fear
That to catch an infection right now would be dangerous
And that bm’s that drop every hour makes them nervous
That I need ECG’s because they fear my heart crashing
That I need to be careful right now, my body is lacking.
The quiet voice of fiona sings softly throughout the day
Attempting to fragment the anger anorexia displays
To try to make through the torment and worry
In hope that one day, I will be free from this bully.
But it’s hard when two sides feel so opposing
When both feel so real
And so imposing.
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