It’s unrelenting
A constant trail of abusive and scrutiny
Mocking all that’s wrong with you
It puts you down brutally
It twists all the words you hear everyday
The voices your trusted, it turns them to dismay
Words of encouragement are pressures you can’t live up to
The slightest wrong look is a failure that defines you.
How can I get you to see the confusion
How could I explain the unrelenting noise in my mind
How could I help you understand the exhaustion
How I am feeling so bruised and confined.
Hospital is scary and it holds bad times
It can be damaging and unsupportive and I fear for my vulnerable mind.
It can equally help me, support me in some way, it breaks up the responsibility
And sometimes I need that little extra help when it’s al feeling so loud and scary.
But what’s hard to understand is the microscope you are under
That I’ve been under for such a long time.
On one shoulder is ED whispering and egging you on, pressuring, controlling, taking up all your time.
And the other is a voice of instruction and robustness, a voice that you’ve been told you must rely.
The noise that is created, the argument, the commands
Both sides hold their reasons and it feels like trying to calm the strongest contestation.
Do I trust my thoughts and where they lead me
Am I doing what’s right or
Am I being deceiving?
The abundance of knowledge I’ve gained through the years
Is like a bible of guidance and yet it installs so much fear.
It’s tiring, and I feel lost
So much noise from so many different sources
How can I navigate the way forward?
How can I hold my nerve when all sides hold such forces?
No comments:
Post a Comment